3:30 PM
Today’s entry is sponsored by a shower (hooray!!). I was pondering friendships, as these days they feel especially prevalent to me. Recently, I’ve been belittling some of them as solely “situational friendships,” in contrast to “chosen friends.”
Today, my thoughts have led me to the conclusion that that’s bull****.
Friends are always chosen. Despite maybe being friends with people I wouldn’t expect myself to be with, I still choose them.
The other night, me, [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted] (+[redacted]) had a sap rooftop session where I felt like we were breathing in our friendships. I kept going back to the thought that I’m so lucky—despite not believing in luck.
The way life is so incredibly intentional—whether or not I’m aware of it—is beyond me. Never in my wildest dreams could I have predicted having a moment like that with them, but little did I know it would become a valuable moment I always want to hold onto. To be able to interact with, know, and love people is an immense blessing. I find myself getting caught up with boys, relationships, or transactional love instead of opening my eyes to everything other forms of love have to offer.
Friends are truly a conscious and unconscious decision to love. I’m thankful that this period is allowing me to take in and reflect on such friendships and the beauty they hold. Agape love knows no bounds, and I’m seeing how it isn’t limited to one person at a time, but instead exists as a constant, lovely presence—benevolent, too.
They say you are who you surround yourself with, which I totally agree with. But what’s beautiful is how we are always surrounded, and how we are all human. It’s interesting how at times I think I wouldn’t necessarily objectively be friends with certain people—yet it’s all subjective. There is no perfect formula for friendship, just as there isn’t for any relationship with another person, because what lies at the center is our shared humanity.
Today I write from Dozer Coffee Shop, a cute little spot that [redacted] (a newfound friend) has taken me to. It’s strange how, and in what forms, one can be in tune with someone—another strong ponder for me. It’s obvious, but still so cool how people can connect.
Without [redacted], how would I proclaim “whoopsie daisies” and have someone else think of Notting Hill? How would I see the beauty in whimsy and romanticizing life and agree to indulge in them with someone?
Without [redacted], how could I soak up our random, unique laughs, but also NBA playoffs and sand volleyball at the same time?
It’s strange how my friendships and relationships with people have opened my eyes further, showing me that so much of what I’m looking for can be found within myself. Not to toot my own horn, but I do find it valuable that I can connect with a wide range of people and interests.
It’s almost sad how much of my life I didn’t constantly value or tend to my friendships. I think of [redacted] and how strong our roots are and how deep they go, yet how at times I take it for granted and don’t show up to appreciate her. It’s sad to look back and realize how much I’ve lacked as a friend—mostly because I’ve been distracted by boys. For some, their romantic partner may feel like all they need, but how could I neglect such an amazing part of life?
Although much of my grounding is found within myself, the ability to find and connect with other people is an immaculate wonder. This feels like a lovely time to wake up and hold beautiful people close to me. The sheer amount of love and support I receive daily is too grand not to pour right back out.
Obviously, I must be careful with moderation and boundaries, but I can resume pouring out in ways I love—cards, letters, gifts, hugs, time, laughs, surprises, etc.—and to even more people. So fun.
I (as well as others) see that this point in my life needs to be a great era of individual growth, and it’s exciting to know that it can happen alongside wondrous people who are rooting me on.
UGH—it’s annoying how basic and obvious these concepts are, but alas, it’s time to put them into action. At least I got there eventually.
These entries (all two of them LOL) have been obnoxiously optimistic, but I’m loving that that’s where my mind is right now, regardless of all the other stupid thoughts going on up there. To reference my “we’ve met before” playlist:
This one is for all the people I can tell this isn’t my first life that we’ve known each other. Call it soulmates, twin flames, red string theory, fate—but it’s raw, real, and I’m f****** down.
