2:50AM
I’m back in Ann Arbor. I think I began to crave my own cycle. The trip definitely helped solidify and propel my mindset and personal interests.
I saw a post today (most likely from TikTok) (with intense paraphrasing) about people who live their lives mirroring other people/their partners, so when they’re alone they’re not sure of their own identities. Unfortunately, this deeply resonated with me.
I seek out new people and express extravertedness to satisfy this. In my mind, it’s how I experience things—but I need to be doing that on my own. I don’t think it hurts to have other people be a part of said experiences, but I know it’s valuable to call most of them my own.
Today has brought attention to the demand to build and know my own interests, preferences, passions, and in turn, myself. When I write things down like this it seems so obvious, yet at this point in time, I understand it can be groundbreaking to me.
I know through the years I’ve definitely collected a fair amount of interests—and even passions—but there definitely could be more that belong more strongly to me. This season is definitely a fight in that way, unfortunately.
I’ve been experiencing yet another wave of others who are indulging in travel, new locations, discovery, and more. I have found solace in the fact that I’m navigating through my own form of discovery, but comparison really takes it out of me if I allow it to.
That’s kind of how it is though—my mind is working hard and fighting to overcome. Although that sounds great, I can’t help but wonder if my fight may dwindle or even completely die out. I am still painfully hopeful, but the thoughts are definitely prevalent.
I’m currently journaling to Zootopia, and it’s the scene with Flash. Wow. Everyone truly moves at their own pace, and one should be satisfied with themselves regardless of pace or speed.
I refuse to let go of the fact that life (and God) places one in the exact moments they need to be in. There’s no battle I cannot overcome.
One passion I’ve found for myself is definitely journaling. Perhaps I’ve just integrated it perfectly within my daily cycle, or I’ve even just gotten addicted to it—but it’s been great. I find myself getting excited to catch a vibe, open up the journal, and pour out—it’s rewarding. I have so many thoughts and I love to express them to others, but I’ve definitely been adoring having them to myself.
It’s so interesting that I can be so mentally optimistic, but I really am excited to find more for myself.
The final part of this entry will probably be forms of manifesting things for myself. I am still holding on to “bloom.” It’s beyond time to level up (Solo Leveling haha) and not quit.
I’m being prepped to break cycles that aren’t for me and create healthy ones to take their place. I want to embrace nothing but growth and the strength, determination, and endurance to continue growing.
I want to step into a fresher, long-lasting beauty that I haven’t tapped into yet. I believe every morsel of me (mind, body, soul, heart, spirit) is starving for sustenance and nourishment, and I hope to keep this hunger—but also bust my ass to satisfy it.
P.S. I feel like I’m laughing harder these days.
