I’m definitely yearning for something—trying to fill something. I keep recognizing I’m not in the healthiest state right now, but I think it’s okay. It’s interesting to see what I’ve resorted to, and I hope I’m not slipping. Today reached a weird disconnect from my recent energy, definitely influenced by the more intense interaction I had with a friend. Yet at the same time, here I am, still enjoying life.

Life is still beautiful and lively right now. Friendships and maintaining connections are still incredibly precious and valuable to me as well. I’m definitely stepping into adoring and obsessing over myself—a blessing and a curse.

I feel like a lot of my entries are ridiculously repetitive, but I definitely have already seen how much journaling does for me. It’s speaking so much into existence and helping me appreciate, breathe in, and bloom within the mess and stillness that is life. I don’t even reread my other entries, I wonder if it’s just stupid LOL.

Again, these may all be obnoxiously obvious and simple realizations, but I enjoy that they are profound to me. Moments are holding more value, the laughs are so much harder and stronger, conversations are never long enough, and smiles are on at all times. I’d say I am welcoming in all life has to offer. Maybe there are grander goals I may be working towards, but for now I’m thankful I can appreciate everything about where I am in this life.

The thoughts aren’t flowing as well right now, so I will close this entry out. Once again the wind is immaculate, and being outside is ridiculously intoxicating. I’m once again back to thinking: “how could one be sad with such good weather?”

I’m being prepped to break cycles that aren’t for me and create healthy ones to take their place. I want to embrace nothing but growth and the strength, determination, and endurance to continue growing.

I keep saying this, but the sorrow and dread these days continuously become overtaken by the beauty that is life. At least recently, life has been presenting itself to me in a more holistic way—and I’m trying to take hold and grasp as much as I can.

Even amid Michigan’s bipolar weather, the sky feels full of love for me. The wind shows up for a chilly hammock. The sunshine still turns me into bacon. Everything smells like growth—plants blooming, earth waking up.

Although much of my grounding is found within myself, the ability to find and connect with other people is an immaculate wonder. This feels like a lovely time to wake up and hold beautiful people close to me.

I don’t want to settle for survival anymore. I want to thrive—under all circumstances.